What I wish I could say.

Don’t talk to her instead of me. Don’t walk away. Don’t even look at her.

I’m the special one. You’re meant to only spend time with me. When you don’t, I want to push you away. You can’t get too close. Get too close and you can hurt me.

You told me you had a dream about me. Oh, you dreamed about her too? But I’m special, aren’t I? She and I aren’t too similar, are we?

Only I’ll never tell you what I think. I hate telling people how I feel. I’ll never let you know what I feel.

 

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On some days, apathy eats its way into places I never should let it go.

It seeps from my brain, after telling me that life is pointless, and slithers down into my heart, making me doubt my love.

What! I exclaim. But He’s perfect. He’s kind, generous, gentle!

But the hole gapes wider anyway, a yawn of black emptiness.

It’s nothing to do with Him, a fresh voice whispers. It’s you. Only you fill the gaps. He is your lover, he complements you. It’s you who must fulfil yourself.

And the apathy withdraws reluctantly, and my heart is whole again.

It’s so hard to stick to the 100 word limit!! Maybe I’ll expand on my favourite posts in the future, so you’ll actually know what I’m talking about… Anyway, see you next time!

How to Make Friends

There is no one who does not harbour insecurities from past events.

There is no one who has not experienced loneliness for no good reason whatsoever.

There is no one who has not felt there is something missing – but that what is missing cannot be pinpointed.

However, we can all find solace in knowing that everyone feels the same way. It is when we conceal our thoughts that we are distanced and divided. It is when we reveal these thoughts to someone who listens that a connection is made, there is no divide, and you don’t feel so lonely anymore.

And that, boys and girls, is how you make real friends. By my standards, anyway.

Insecurity post #1

I’ve always wanted to be the extraordinary one. That girl whom he wishes he could have forever, someone irreplaceable.

So when they bring up the other girls he’s liked, it scares me. My mind brings up the worst-case scenarios. I want to hurt him so I don’t get hurt if I’m not extraordinary enough; I want to push him away so I won’t care if he tries to hurt me. It’s all very tiring.

And usually ends with me planking on my carpet, envisioning myself as the heroine of a storybook instead of submitting myself to the mundane aforementioned shit.

Just some random love life insecurities. So much for extraordinary, haha.